I have an embarrassing internet crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt

So here I was, writing a ponderous post about a difficult film trying to explain why it made my feminism hurt, when a friend sent me a link to a video in which Joseph Gordon-Levitt does a lip-sync contest with Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Merchant.

Naturally I stopped everything and watched. Because that’s what Joe is to me: my internet stalking crush.

Oh, Joe. So young, and with such a weightless little frame, with its rubbery capacity to move and dance and perform impressive physical feats. Like when he reprised the Donald O’Connor number, “Make ‘Em Laugh,” from Singin’ in the Rain as a guest host on Saturday Night Live. Backflips, bouncing off walls, collapsing a sofa — Joe can do it all.

In another life he would have been Gene Kelly.

Let’s not forget the silly scene in the middle of (500) Days of Summer, in which he dances to the somehow-it’s-good-again bit of ’80s awfulness, “You Make My Dreams Come True” by Hall & Oates. He might show a moment or two of awkwardness, but he throws himself into this scene and illustrates the magic of what a white guy can do if he’s willing to move his shoulders and hips at the same time.

His new film, Don Jon, is getting pretty good reviews at the moment — I’ll see it eventually. I must admit, I’m less enamored with the macho version of manliness that he takes on every now and then, like in The Dark Knight Rises, Looper, and Premium Rush. (Curiously, he adopts a New York-ish accent in all of them. I disapprove. I want the un-macho Joe.) But he’s directed this new one — apparently something he seeks to do more often — and therefore, with the Brick and Mysterious Skin versions of Joe in mind (both of which are wonderful), I’ll trot off to buy a full-price ticket to show my box-office love, not just my creepy middle-aged lady internet stalking love.

And then I’ll talk to my therapist about working through these issues.