Dear Rick Santorum

21 February 2012

Do you know what the real problem is with women in this country? Shoes. Give a woman shoes, and she’ll think that God intended her to leave the house and/or get a job. Next thing ya know, she’ll be putting her children into government (aka “public”) schools rather than educatering them at home.

That’s right! It’s ladies’ shoes that lead to birth control and abortion, doing nasty things in the sexual realm that are counter to how things are supposed to be, and public education. Have you seen an episode of Sex and the City (aka “Demonesses Living in the Hellfire of Their Own Making”)? All those evil ladies do is expound their phony ideologies and buy shoes! And let various and motley men-folk explore their hoo-hah regions!

It might take a while for ladies to get used to being barefoot and pregnant all the time, but it’s God’s plan! I beg you to take my advice and hold forth on the evils of shoes for women. And I look forward to your being President Santorum!

yours in the everloving sanctity of patriarchal control over the vajay-jay,

Didion/ Feminéma

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14 Responses to “Dear Rick Santorum”


  1. Oh my god! Didion, this made me laugh so hard! I love this post.

    • Didion Says:

      Dear Michael, I am quite baffled about how Rick will solve the rampant problem of homosexuality — surely taking men’s shoes away will not solve it — but I await your assistance in coming up with a similarly simple, black-and-white solution. I’m sure that you, like me, look forward to being part of the solution, instead of continuing to be part of the problem! Hugs, Didion


  2. Perfect. Let’s send him our shoe discards!

    • Didion Says:

      Wow. What a great idea that would be. Wonder how we’d find a street address for delivery? Wonder whether this would backfire somehow, and we’d find the states of TX, VA, OK, and CO passing bills against shoes for women?

  3. Hattie Says:

    Brilliant!
    (applause)

  4. servetus Says:

    Now wondering about the correlation of red states and flipflops.

    • Didion Says:

      Darling Servetus, are you “thinking”? using large words like “correlation,” or abstract concepts like “red states”? Clearly your shoes are forcing your brain to work beyond thoughts like, “Am I reaching my holy fertile time of the month?” Take off those shoes! Exit the workplace! Reclaim your role as baby machine and chef!


  5. And this post is a perfect example of women going out there getting an education. Whatever happened to God’s will- sit there, look pretty and keep your thoughts to yourself 😉

    Now, excuse me! I feel obligated to put on the highest, most uncomfortable shoes, which will probably cripple my feet for days and strut where the hell I want!

    Loved the post 🙂 And believe me, it not only relates to American politics. There are Santorum’s worldwide. We once had a politician who defended his colleague by stating that the assult he was accused of wasn’t rape because you can’t rape a prostitute.
    Priceless logic!

    • Didion Says:

      I, too, have decided to spend a little time shopping for shoes online and fantasizing about unnatural sexual acts. Now that I see the deep connection between shoes and sex, I plan to celebrate both of them on a regular basis — and always in tandem.

      I’m very sorry to hear that patriarchal dickwads inhabit places like Poland too — but not surprised. Next the Santorums of the world will start advocating for female circumcision.

  6. judiang Says:

    But I’m not that into shoes. Whatever could be my problem??? Oh noes!

    • Didion Says:

      Oh sure, you’re not into them in a Sex in the City way — but you WEAR them! Thereby incurring the wrath of the Santorums of the world!


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