“Broken English” (2007): suck this, suckers

6 January 2012

Neurotic woman (Parker Posey), late 30s, is desperate for love. She’s so pretty and has such a great wardrobe but she’s just so pathetic. That’s just the way women are in their late 30s, right? desperate and overly high-strung, till they find a guy?

Stop me if you’ve heard that one before. Also: stop reading if you’re already gagging a bit in your mouth. On Feminéma’s patented Vomit-O-Meter®, this ranks at Red Zone/Full Ralph. Oh yeah, then she meets the Magical Frenchman of the titular Broken English. (Magical Frenchman is not to be confused with the Magical Negro trope; pathetic female protagonists get Magical Men to have sex with and cure all their issues, while troubled male protagonists do not sleep with the Magical Negros who help them discover the true meaning of life. For clarification, thanks to TVtropes.com). Et voilà! Let’s hold hands in the Métro!

You know what I need, folks? Some kind of mental eraser so I will forget that Parker Posey was so much of a sucker as to say yes to a script this lame. Also: some kind of feminist brickbat to use on director Zoe Cassavetes for using such an array of talent (Gena Rowlands! Peter Bogdanovich! Drea de Matteo!) in such an insulting tale.

(Also need: an image of Vomit-O-Meter®. Tried with a Sharpie and a scanner but I now cannot make my computer recognize the scanner. Do any of you have skillz? For a reward, just say Vomit-O-Meter several times in a row and feel the joy!)

Because that’s what this is: an offensive film for female suckers. Isn’t it bad enough that director Catherine Hardwicke (Twilight, Red Riding Hood, etc.) has sold her soul to make that drivel? I’m sorry, but with a film pedigree that might even outdo Sofia Coppola’s, surely Cassavetes can do better. If not then please, Zoe, just turn producer for Dee Rees or Maryam Keshavarz. In the meantime, I’ve got to get this nasty taste out of my mouth.


2 Responses to ““Broken English” (2007): suck this, suckers”

  1. servetus Says:

    Testify! I want to be warned away from crap like this, because it’s just the kind of thing you could look at on a bad day to try to make yourself feel better, and end up feeling a whole lot worse.

    • Didion Says:

      Not only is this film incredibly frustrating on its own, but after surviving it one feels unbelievably infuriated at every single instance of that beautiful but neurotic/pathetic female character in the history of film. “I’ll show you neurotic! I’ll take your pathetic female stereotype and shove it up your ass!”

      Another annoying thing: she’s got a ridiculously nice NYC apartment and clothes, despite her lame hotel job. Argh.

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