Tabloid Monday: Angelina ruins Thanksgiving

28 November 2011

It has been a dark, sorry world since The Weekly World News stopped publishing. Let’s not forget some of their finest headlines:

ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS A WOMAN!

JESUS ACTION FIGURE HEALS THE SICK!

10 NEW COMMANDMENTS FOUND!

…not to mention the ongoing Bat Boy chronicles, which I awaited with bated breath. Ah, waiting on line to buy one’s groceries was a delight.

So thank you, thank you In Touch, for offering me ANGELINA RUINS THANKSGIVING during yesterday’s sorry-ass post-Thanksgiving trip to the supermarket.

Finally, a tabloid that really understands the Angelina/tabloid nexus — the core of complex and unmitigated hate that tabloids pile on that beautiful/freakish-looking woman week after week. I feel that now I understand better the nature of what they seem to believe is our collective hatred.

Thank you, In Touch. It’s still not Bat Boy, but I have hope again for the future.

 

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5 Responses to “Tabloid Monday: Angelina ruins Thanksgiving”

  1. servetus Says:

    is this like the Grinch stealing Xmas?

    Is Kate really enceinte? Wow, I am so out of it. When my students told me that Kim Kardashian had divorced i had to admit I didn’t know who she is …

    • Didion Says:

      I would, ahem, be more likely to believe that In Touch is inventing the baby bump. And let me note how much I hate the expression “baby bump.”

      Of course, I couldn’t care less about whether she’s enceinte or not. Or the Kardashians, except as a measure of the impending apocalypse.

    • tam Says:

      Haha! Bravo for having managed to know nothing about KK. That is quite an achievement. I skirt around the ubiquitous mutterings online, much like avoiding a swarm of bees.

      Perhaps someone will come up with an App similar to Shave Beiber 🙂

  2. servetus Says:

    Oh, and I want to say: while doing my Thanksgiving shopping on Thanksgiving Eve, I succumbed to People and the last days of the Kutcher / Moore marriage.

    And — how did in touch know before Thanksgiving that Angelina was going to ruin it?

    Confused.

    • Didion Says:

      There’s nothing wrong with craning one’s neck as one passes a train wreck. But even better if you invent the wreck altogether. Oh, Bat Boy, can you come back to save the Kutcher/Moore marriage? Can you return to strike some humanity into the cold, bitter, Thanksgiving-hating soul of Angelina?


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