Fassbendered

19 June 2011

After seeing X-Men: First Class, my sister and I couldn’t stop trying to use fassbender as a neologism — our idea was much like Dan Savage’s famous appropriation of santorum. Remember how, way back in Clueless, Cher (Alicia Silverstone) referred to her stepbrother (Paul Rudd) as “a bit of a Baldwin”? The actor Michael Fassbender is so ridiculously watchable, and those eyes of his…. Anyway, the problem is: what exactly should the definition be, and should this term be an adjective, noun, or refer to some state of being?

For example: I couldn’t sleep because I was fassbendering. Definition: something like “fantasizing about having Michael Fassbender do dirty things to you.”

Or: He looked at me with such a fassbender that I almost slid off my chair. Definition: something like “intense, smoldering gaze.”

Or yet again: I’m utterly fassbendered. Definition: “exhausted from the sweet pleasure of watching Jane Eyre for the third time.”

Clearly I’m flailing (we can chalk that up to being fassbendered) — but perhaps some of my friends in blogland can help?

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8 Responses to “Fassbendered”

  1. @Rob Says:

    The man just oozes sex appeal. And that voice…don’t get me started! He turns my insides to goo.

    When I listen to his voice I feel as tho, I have been Fassebendersonorized. Sounds kinda dirty, doesn’t it?

  2. Didion Says:

    Everything about being fassbendered is dirty. It’s fantastic.

    • Didion Says:

      One more note: I’m starting to realize that fassbendered might also refer to the actor’s ability to seduce critics into giving his films even stronger reviews than they might have otherwise. I’ve been listening to a couple of movie podcasts (these are inevitably done by men [i.e. Filmspotting and The Film Talk]; where are the good female movie podcasters? Is that my calling?) and the critics express such admiration that I can only smile and say, “Well, obviously they’ve been fassbendered.” This does not necessarily negate any of the other definitions of the term…I’m quite certain those men are also imagining Michael Fassbender doing dirty things to them.


  3. […] and then never had time to write about it further. Dear Friend has coined a new verb: “Fassbendered.” She’s clearly under the spell. I really fell under the spell of Mia Wasikowska, and […]


  4. Hello! I just found your blog because I just watched Jane Eyre for the first time and was blown away by the whole movie – the mood, the look, the acting, and most importantly – Fassbender! Unfortunately, now I have to throw in the towel and join the ranks of the other people out there who’ve been fassbendered – spoiled at the thought of a sexy, passionate, slightly scary Irish man. 😉 I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my suffering!

  5. Didion Says:

    I think your only regret should be that you didn’t see it a year ago — thus depriving yourself of an extra year of life in which to be fassbendered. Otherwise, welcome to the club! And your note is a reminder to me to call up the girls for a Girlie Night of dvd watching, as I have yet to watch Jane Eyre in 2012. [drool.]


    • It’s funny because I’ve known about Fassbender since 300, and even watching X-Men last year I wasn’t all about him (I was still McAvoyed at the time), but Jane Eyre really did it for me. Thank god he’s in five movies a year and even naked in one …


  6. […] wants not just true love, but a true equality with Rochester. (Add to that the fact that the film fassbendered me to a bubbling mass of goo, and we have the perfect feminist period […]


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