Where Strauss-Kahn went wrong

18 May 2011

I know what you’re thinking: the Dominique Strauss-Kahn case reminds us all how hard it is to keep from sexually assaulting women. I mean, there he was — the chief of the International Monetary Fund (IMF) in his $3,000 per night hotel room when the African maid walks in to clean — golly, one can sure see what a sticky situation that was. So let’s revisit a handy checklist that circulated via email a couple of years ago (Salon mentions they couldn’t locate a source) to remember how to avoid rape.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault her.

4. Never open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, don’t rape her.

6. Remember, people go to laundry rooms to do their laundry; do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. Use the buddy system! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people. Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to rape. Consider telling her you plan to assault her. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless he or she is awake.

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so she can blow it if you do.

And ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are commiting a crime — no matter how “into it” others appear to be.

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